By David K. Shipler
Donald
Trump, who has come to realize that he was born in the wrong country, has
ordered his Trump Organization to look for one to buy that he can run unimpeded
by legislators, judges, news reporters, experts, and meteorologists. He thinks
it would be great fun after leaving the presidency.
“Maybe
one of those shithole countries,” he reportedly told Ivanka just before she set
out for Latin America. “Look around down there, will you? I’d rather one of
them than in Africa . . .” The rest of his sentence is unprintable.
Word
has gone out in high-powered real-estate circles that Trump is willing to pay a
small fortune for a nation where he can draft his own weather maps predicting
what he has imagined, publish his fantasies in every newspaper, turn every
newscast into unreality TV, make skeptical questioning a felony, reward corruption
as smart business, and summon nubile young women to his palace. (He wants a
Trump Palace, preferably on a hilltop flattened for a golf course.)
Trump
has told associates that the property must have this key quality: no
constitution, or at least one that can be ignored. The US Constitution is a
royal pain, as he keeps discovering, and he’s sick and tired of trying to get
around it. “In the old adage,” he told one close aide, “the price of real
estate is determined by three factors: location, location, and location. What I’m
looking for is a place that is valuable because it is lawless, lawless, lawless.”
Hearing
about this, a disillusioned, patriotic Trump voter declared, “It is terribly
selfish to say this, but let’s hope his search for a ‘shithole country’ is
successful before he turns ours into one.”
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